Kareoke will never be a sober sport
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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