Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
