What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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