Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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