i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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