Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
