New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize