Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize