Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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