What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
