She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
God, I missed his penis.
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