there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
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