I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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