My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
