There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
