Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
