when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
