I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
