Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
