i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
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