my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
