I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
