Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
