On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
