I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
