At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
