she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I'm both gender and math confused
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
