Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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