and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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