you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
