you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
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