I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
that's an acceptable place to lick
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
pop tarts are not kleenex
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
