Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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