I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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