a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
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