It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
This house was built for laser tag.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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