Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
