Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize