Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
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