C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
