Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
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