WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
