Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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