did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize