Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Randomize
