I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize