WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
