At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
i came on her dog
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
