I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
