I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
