Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
