Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
