so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
