how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
