it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
