I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
that is very illegal...i love you.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
