all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
