Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
