wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
