some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
