Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
