4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
