Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
