Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
