for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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