i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Randomize
