She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
