Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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