Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
