my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
