It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize