I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I have aggressive nipples.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
