I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Randomize
