Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
