It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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