quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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