i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
