Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I just googled if crying burns calories
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
