then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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