Only a mothe r could love this liver
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
