if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
