My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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