you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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