You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
