I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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