just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
