So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I can't put those talents on a resume
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
