My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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