Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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