Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
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