so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
