Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Randomize
