I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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