Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
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