so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
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