I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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